everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
