So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
