Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
