i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i dont even know how to be here
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
