in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize