She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
