my room smells like sperm. sweet.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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