I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize