How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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