It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
