who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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