If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
