Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize