When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
