I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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