Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize