just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Four minutes until I can fart!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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