I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
where are my eyebrows?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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