We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
