Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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