could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
