Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
