In the future we'll all be gay
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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