reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
