His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
