They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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