Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
