Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
