i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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