I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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