I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
