im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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