Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
