she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
