my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
