God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
