Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
