Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
