the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
