youre lurking in front of me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
