there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
worst night to have a conscience
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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