you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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