god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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