i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
