quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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