I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
