we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
