I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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