one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
