I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
