I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
