Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
