is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
