So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
