my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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