You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
