and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We named our party play list daddy issues
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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