You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
