i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
