my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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