tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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