I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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