Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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