He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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