me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
