Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
