If i come over, it means nothing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
